our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
