I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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