no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
