Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My breasts were aching with rage.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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