We won't sleep together?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
