Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You did what with his pubic hair?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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