Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
