Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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