If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
