That's intense
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
