So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
