I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The air taste purple.
Randomize
