I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
