Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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