We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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