We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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