i just wanna soil my oats bro
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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