I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
