I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
