Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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