one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
