Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up under a house in Key West
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