We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
only you would photoshop your dick
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
