just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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