This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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