I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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