oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize