i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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