just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
