If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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