I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
