I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
