we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
