Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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