U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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