Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
