I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
