I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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