...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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