Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
