I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
