Sponge bath it is.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
