yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
