Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
