I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
