moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize