Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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