Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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