He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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