the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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