she woke up with a sticky ear
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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