Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
