just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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