This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
