Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
