she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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