We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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