I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
