This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
