The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
