I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
