I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
