I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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