well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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