when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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