That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
