I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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