i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
