We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
