When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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